Sunday, October 23, 2011

I am Not Alone

The one thing that I have learned through this experience is that I am not alone. There are so many other women out there with angels in heaven. It's so heart breaking when you hear the numbers. 1 in 4 women experience pregnancy/infant loss. Those numbers are astonishing. It's a club, a club that no one wants to join, but once you join you realize that you have joined a network of love, prayers, and support for the rest of your life. I wish I wasn’t a member of this club every day, but since I am, and there is nothing I can do about it, I am going to make the best of it. I am going to support the other mothers in this club as they are supporting me. I want to share the story of the amazing women that God has brought into my life recently.

A friend of mine posted on my wall, suggesting a blog to me about a woman who started a group called Love and Loss. A group for angel mommies and people like me. I joined the group, and started looking around. I felt rite at home instantly. I noticed that they would be supporting and attending an event that I too was attending a memorial walk in honor of all the little angels, called A Walk to Remember. I had hoped to meet some members of the group at the event. I was lucky enough to meet the group's founder at the event. She is an amazing woman, with adorable children, who is doing an amazing job bringing comfort and bringing angel mommies together everywhere. She is a true inspiration to me, I hope someday to bring comfort to as many families as she has.

Another angel mommy that I met at this event, I know that God brought into my life for a reason. She was there for me the day my son died and neither of us even knew it. I also believe that her son was with me that day, comforting me and holding my heart in his hands. The day my Bug died I was given a box at the hospital, a beautiful box, filled with different things to help me remember his life. It had an outfit, a blankie, and a few other things in it. The thing that meant the most was the angel ornament that was in there. I carried it everywhere with me, I didn’t put it down for days after my son's death. It brought me so much comfort. I have replaced a few things in the box with things of my son's, a sleeper, a few pictures, and a few other things that I cherish from his life. The woman that I met at this event started a group after the loss of her son, she started making boxes like the one she received so that no mother will ever leave the hospital empty handed. She is the one who made the box I received that day, she remembers making the box and also giving it to the hospital. Another thing that tells me God brought us together is how she learned of me and my story. She is also a member of Love and Loss, and when the founder of Love and Loss told her of me, she already knew who I was. The day my Bug died, they put his story in the paper, it was very hard because I felt the way they reported on the story did no justice to what actually happened and it was not the friendliest way of writing the story, but she read it that day. When she told me this story it gave me chills, she said that she never reads the paper but that day she had a copy laying around, picked up and went straight to my Bug’s story. She said after she read this story she said” I just want to give that poor mother a hug” Well I got that hug from her, and it was such a warm love-filled hug. I think that her son was telling her who I was so she knew when she met me that him, the Bug, and God all have some big plans in mind for us!

Every day I meet more and more people who have faced this pain, and as much as I wish I didn’t meet these people (because I wish people like us didn’t exist, I wish this club didn’t exist, I wish no one had to live through this pain) I am glad that I have met them. I am glad that I have the chance to hug other angel parents. I feel like every angel mommy or daddy I meet on earth, is another angel friend my sweet bug makes in heaven. It is such a painful thing to go through, words cannot express the pain I feel everyday without my child, but I know that these other angel mommies and daddies understand this feeling, that they know how it feels to have to give a picture a goodnight kiss every night, to have to cuddle with a blankie instead of your child, to find comfort in that piece of dirty laundry that smells like spit-up. These other angel mommies and daddies like me sadly belong to this same club, a club where we all hurt, we didn’t ask to be members, we all wish we could undo our membership. But it’s a club where we all comfort each other, no one is alone in this club, this club is filled with prayers and through this club and each other we will make it.

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