Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A Bug's Life

So I was looking back over my posts, and I realized one thing. I told my story, the story of how I lost my bug, stories of how I am coping, and things of that sort but I really haven’t talked about my bug’s life. It is kind of sad really when I think about it. I should have told this story first and foremost; because it is my favorite story of all, so here I go:
My bug was born on July 4, 2011. I went into labor at 3am, it came out of nowhere, I just woke up to go to the bathroom and boom was in full-blown labor. It was a fairly short process; I labored for 7 hours and then wound up having an emergency c-section. My bug’s heart rate kept dropping pretty low, so the Dr said this baby needs to come out… NOW! After 30 minutes in the OR my baby had arrived. I remember the Dr saying look up and meet your son, I looked up and saw the most beautiful sight ever. There he was, perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a full head of hair, and a strong set of lungs! It was amazing, the pregnancy was finally over and I was finally a mommy. I had waited my whole life for that moment. His daddy was as awestruck as I was. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him. After we got settled in our room he wanted to do everything, he wouldn’t let me change the first diaper, swaddle him, I had to beg him to even hold him! He was a total baby hog, but I didn’t mind. In my mind I had held him for the last 40 weeks, I figured it was daddy’s turn. Besides I had the rest of his life to hold him, if I only knew then how long that would be. Our time in the hospital was so busy. The bug had so many visitors, everyone was so excited that he was finally here. He was the first grandchild and great grandchild from both sides of the family, so needless to say people were literally fighting over who got to see him and hold him when. He was our little celebrity. Everyone instantly fell in love with him, how could you not! After what felt like a yearlong stay in the hospital (which in reality was only 3 days) we finally got to bring him home. I was terrified but so ready to begin our life.
The days passed by and the bug grew so fast, and so did his eyes! My baby had big everything, I think he would have been tall like his daddy; he had monster feet, long fingers, and those eyes! They just captured your heart. Everyone that saw the bug said how sweet and precious he was. He was such a blessing. We were so busy, as I said everyone was fighting over who got to see him when, there wasn’t enough time in the day for everyone to see him, but we tried. We were definitely an on-the-go family. The bug loved being out and about, exploring the world. Every day was like an adventure for him filled with love. Bouncing from one grandparent’s house to the next and he loved every minute of it.
The bug was such a happy baby, he never really cried, only when he was hungry. From the start he slept through the night most nights, at least 6-7 hours at a time. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby. He loved to be rocked, bounced, liked to be sang to and read to, he was so easy to please. I loved taking him to his room, putting on music, and just dancing until he fell asleep against my chest.  And if all else failed, I would always joke and say stick a boob in his mouth. I am so grateful I chose to breastfeed him. It was a special bond that we shared that I will forever treasure. The one thing that he really liked was when you would stick you tongue out and babble at him. He thought it was hilarious! Then after doing it a few times, he would do it back. He would just lay there and smile. I miss that smile so much. He was so precious when he slept, I loved watching him sleep, he always smiled in his sleep. My grandma told me was smiling in his sleep because the angels were playing with him, I know it is true. The bug loved most everything, except bath time. He was always so unsure about what was going on, and then when I washed his hair he would start screaming! He hated it. I miss that cry so much.  I miss cuddling with him, I would never get anything done during the day, all I wanted to do was hold him, love him, just be with him 24/7 every second of every day.  I remember the thought of going back to work broke my heart. It would make me cry, I couldn’t imagine leaving him for one second.  His grandparents had all volunteered to him, so I knew he was in good hands, but they weren’t my hands so it wasn’t good enough.
In the 10 short weeks that my bug was with us we made so many memories that I will treasure forever. There was the day that we spent at the aquarium and walking around the city. The bug loved all the bright lights. His daddy wouldn’t let me push him in the stroller that day, he wanted to carry him everywhere. Then there’s all the times we went shopping. That bug loved to shop! He of course got that from me. We would go all over the place. I loved when people would stop us and compliment him. I was so proud to call him mine. Then there were the times that we went for walks to my mom’s house. I would put on my Moby wrap and wear him like an accessory. Everyone said he looked so funny in that thing but I loved it. I looked like a mama kangaroo. I loved having him so close to me. Then there was our last weekend together at the fair. We spent the day there. He loved the noises and bright lights. His daddy had to work that day, and we were there with some friends, we thought that he would miss the whole day, but then towards the end of the day he surprised us and came. I’m so glad he did, that was our last outing with our bug. I will never forget our last Sunday morning together, the bug was sitting in his bumbo with his daddy, watching him play madden. Daddy gave him a remote and was teaching him how to play, it was so sweet. They were both shirtless, just sitting on the couch, such a precious father-son moment, I’m so glad I got pictures of it.
There are so many memories that I have of my bug, so many pictures, smiles, just memories that I will hold dear forever. That’s all I have left now, memories, pictures, his things. It’s not enough, but I’m grateful for what I have, and what I had with him.

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