Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Bug's Work of Art

Today is 2 weeks since my sweet bug left me and my world came crashing down. I have said before how i feel my angel bug everywhere I go, but i think that he is trying to send me messages to tell me to cheer up, hes in a better place and is happy. He has drawn me 2 rainbows now, one last week against a breathtakingly beautiful sunset and one tonight. I know that my sweet bug is trying to tell me that there is still beauty in the world. Trying to remind me that for even something as beautiful as a rainbow, first must come the darkness and rain. It is so hard to get used to him being gone. I am still learning how to switch from living with him to living for him. What i mean by that I am used to doing everything with him, getting him ready everyday to go through the motions of day to day life with me, from the grocery store to Dr's appointments doing everything with me. Now i have to switch gears and do everything for him. I have to do whatever it takes to better myself, to get through this storm, to be a strong mom for him. It sounds so wierd but that is what im having trouble with. Just this morning, my mom called me and asked if i wanted to go with her to run her daily errands and I almost said yeah sure just give me a minute to get the baby ready. It's the thoughts like that that almost kill me. I am still in the habbit of doing everything with my sweet bug. I just miss him so much. I dont want to have to live without him.

My angel Bug's beautiful work of art

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