I am so far beyond aggravated today… the one thing that I wanted to come out of my son’s death is to save the lives of other children… how can I do that when the parents of those children are too darn stubborn and think that they aren’t doing anything wrong… there is a online discussion I took part in, and all these people keep saying “firm bed+ no pillows+ no drugs/ alcahol+ breastfeeding mommy= safe bedsharing” NOT TRUE!!!!!!! These are the conditions of our bed when my son lost his life, he did not suffocate on a pillow or blanket, we did not roll, he suffocated when he buried his face in my breast! If bed-sharing is so safe then why am I member of an entire group of people who had their babies in “safe bed-sharing environments” when they lost their child as well? It’s too late for my son, my baby is gone, I cant choose where he sleeps anymore because he sleeps with god. What I can do is just keep going, telling his story, telling people about him, and telling people what they can do to prevent this from happening to them. Then after that I can only pray, I can only pray that people listen, pray that they understand that the risk is not worth the reward, pray that they don’t put their child’s life on the line, pray that they see that no matter what an adult bed is in no way safe for any child, for any reason, for any amount of time. If you choose not to listen, if you think my story is no big deal, I must have done something wrong and it wont happen to you, than all I can do is pray for your child. Pray this won’t happen to them and pray that you wont wake up the way I did that morning and just wish you could un-do what had been done. All I wanted was for the lives of children to be saved through my story, but I can’t do that if the parents of those children are too ignorant to the dangers even after I try to inform them!!
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Jess, I personally see from both points of view. you say in your analogy that you think letting your child sleep in bed with you is, (in less words,) like letting them ride in a car with no carseat. I don't agree completely. I think that anyone who doesn't use a carseat is a completely stupid person who doesn't deserve a child. I think that the decision to co sleep or not is like shopping for a carseat. Both have their pros and cons. No one carseat can be flawless, but (mostly) none of them are completely dangerous. Personally I think that Co sleeping with an atatched bassinet is the best option, the best of both worlds. But i also think that you're opinion is the best option for you. And that women who cosleep have chosen the best option for them. No one can make the right decision 100% of the time, and sometimes there is no 'right decision'. Sometimes it's the lesser of 2 evils. I know websites will tell you that co sleeping is unsafe, but I also think that for every website that says that, there is another that says the oposite. I love that you're trying to enlighten people, and I am very shocked at the responses on the online discussion and dissapointed, as a fellow mother, in the rude and immature things that some of them wrote. Even if they didn't agree, hatefulness in this topic is unacceptable. Please keep writing, you can see your love for Payton and strong will for this topic in every post. I hope this didn't come off as me disagreeing with you in any way because as I said, I agree with BOTH sides and can see clear points of view for both.
ReplyDeleteYour comments sound so familiar. I remember the first time I repsonded to online discussions and was personally attacked or ignored. I was shocked that people could be so apathetic to my loss. My response was silence. I applaud your courage in continuing to share your story.
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