Saturday, November 12, 2011

Christmas... Really?

So I am really trying not to be a scrooge this year, not to be a party pooper. i understand that the holidays are a time to be joyful and giving, and i am doing my best to keep that spirit, i just do see what i really have to be thankful and joyful about this year. I should be joyful for the time that i had with my baby, i should be joyful for the love he gave me, but its so hard with him gone. every time i see a baby's first christmas ornament i just want to lose it. im supposed to be looking at toys and things to get him for christmas, im supposed to be so excited about helping him open his presents, i should be wanting to put up the tree already so he can enjoy the pretty lights, instead im just wishing i could go to sleep and not wake up untill january. I dont know how to get through this holiday season without him, how am i going to go to decorate his tree in the cemetary, how am i going to sing him christmas songs, how am i going to celebrate when he is gone? i dont even want to put up a tree this year, but i know i have to, i have to for him because even though he wont be here to open his gifts christmas morning, he will be there with us that morning, and im sure thats what he would want. i miss you angel bug... i know youll ahve a good christmas in heaven :(


  1. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My daughter Mia died in an accident in June when the bassinet attachment of her pack n play came apart. She was 11 weeks old. Some of the posts you have written are some of my thoughts. Do you have an email address where we can connect?

  2. Somehow I missed your comment Sara, I am so sorry that you have had to suffer through a similar loss, and yes would love to connect, I always like connecting with fellow angel moms, reminding me that sadly I am not alone in this pain and that other parents have been down similar roads is my email :) god bless