Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Turning to God
The one thing that I have been trying to do is turn to god through my pain. This is so hard because I am so confused as to why this is all happening and I know that he knows the answers to the questions, I know this is in his control and I cant do anything about it, its up to him. A lot of people get mad at god after a loss like this because they blame him. I like to think that god doesn’t do things like this to hurt or to punish but to teach. We don’t always understand the lesson he is teaching, it may not always be clear but if we trust in him, if we just hand it over to him, just surrender to him and pray things will work out. That’s the hard part, prayer, usually lately my prayers turn to one of two things “please please please give him back” or “why me, why him?” I know that this is something I need to work on because I know that god is not going to undo the past few months, he is not going to just erase it all un do it and make it go away, im sure there is a rewind button in heaven somewhere but I know that he never uses it, he took my son for a reason, as much as I hate it it was no mistake or accident there was a reason. As to why me and why him, I used to just wonder why bad things happened to good people now I think that bad things happen to good people because we are the ones strong enough to pull through, because our hearts are so big and full of kindness and love and that makes us stronger. I know that the more I understand the closer I get to god the easier this will become and the less I will hurt. Its just trying ot get on the same page with God, to trust in him. The hardest part is to learn and practice patience. I know that things happen when they happen because god wants them to happen that way, I just need to let him take the wheel a little more and trust that if I praise him, if I love him, keep my faith in him and pray things will all work out, easier said than done sometimes.