Friday, November 2, 2012


I dont want to sound like I'm full of myself in any way at all, but it really feels good, It is a major self-esteem boost, to hear "your an inspiration" as much as I do. I don't share my stories of my grief to be an inspiration, I share them because it's who I am, I'm a talker, I'm a sharer, it's just who I am. I use my FB page and my blog to tell my story because I want to show all the people who have been praying for me just how far the prayers and virtual hugs have carried me. I couldn't do this without the people who have stood behind me, said a prayer for me or for my baby, who have thought of us, told our story, and who have made me this strong. I am strong, I am brave, but it's not because I want to be, it's because I have to be. I saw a quote one time that said "you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it" I believe that, It's not that bad things happen to good people, it's bad things happen to strong people, because they are the ones who can handle it. I guess I'm just a glass half full kind of person, I would rather take this life I was given, and turn it around and make the best of it. Laying in bed crying all the time, which is what i feel like doing some days, is not going to get me anywhere. It won't bring my Bug back or make this any easier for me. But knowing that I am inspiring people, knowing that I am bringing light to the cause of my son's death, and saving lives, that is doing something, and knowing that I am making a difference, that my Bug is making a difference, that is what keeps me going. I am in inspiration, I inspire people to handle little problems in life with strength and prayer the way I have handled this big hurdle in life with strength and prayer, is what inspires me to keep doing it. It's a vicious cycle I know, but I want to keep it going :)

Yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking at a local high school, actually the high school that I attended for 4 long years ;) I spoke to the students of their child development classes about Safe Sleep, the importance of it, and the things that can be done to help prevent SIDS and SUID. We talked about things like the dangers of bumper pads, the iportance of breastfeeding, other safe sleep basics, do's and dont's, and after I was done with my presentation I asked if the students knew any of the information I had given them. They all said no, they were so surprised, and shocked at how many dangers there are for infants when sleeping. I was surprised how many students actually asked me what my motivation was for starting educating the way I do, and how long I waited to start my mission of educating and telling Bug's story. I have been asked these questions often before and I give the same answer, I began as soon as I was emotionally able to, months after Bug's passing, and I do it because knowing I am making a difference inspires me to continue. Seeing the look in the eyes of those students, seeing that I actually had their attention, that it wasnt just another day in class, another lesson they wouldnt use, knowing that they had clung to my message, that is why I keep going. I touched those children, they will tell people they know with babies, and they will hold onto Bug's story. That is why I keep going, that is what keeps me strong, that is my inspiration to be an inspiration.

All the messages I get from people who I havent heard from in years, or even the complete strangers, who send me random messages telling me that my story and my strength has made their lives different in some way, that is what inspires me. Knowing that there are people out there everynight, some who i have never even met, saying a prayer for Bug, knowing that there are babies out there sleeping safely, because of Bug, that is my inspiration. Knowing I have made the grief better for parents by inspiring them, that is my inspiration. I may inspire people, but its the people who I inspire that inspire me. I keep going because of you guys. I know that God has held me really tight since my loss, I know that I have been amazingly blessed since my son passed, blessed by love, support, strength, prayers, I still hurt, I wasnt blessed with the return of my son, or a way to undo my heartache, but I am amazingly blessed none the less. I am truly blessed by you all, please keep inspiring me with the stories of how I have inspired you, so I can keep inspiring you to inspire me :) Like I said, its a vicious cycle but I don't want it to end :)

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