hapy birthday sweet bug

Happy Birthday Precious Bug, It is so hard to believe that it has been 1 year since the most amazing day of my life, it seems like just a moment in time has passed since the day my sweet bug was born, in honor of this amazing day i decided that i would tell the story of the day my bug was born, July 4, 2011.

The day before that special day, i was sitting outside with my 2 dear friends and neighbors, by a fire, watching all the fireworks going off around us. they were enjoying an icy cold beer, i was enjoying an icy cold water of course, and they were asking me, are you having any contractions or anything. I told them i was having some braxton hicks, i could feel my belly getting tight but i didnt feel any pain or even feel the contraction so i knew they were nothing. i went home at around midnight and went up to bed, thinking to myself this kid is never comming out!

at about 3:00 am i awoke to what had become my normal routine, get up, go potty, and i would usually take a warm shower to relax away the braxton hicks that had woken me up to begin with. as i was going potty i had a really strong contraction, and thought sheesh that was a good one! i went to take a shower and while i was sitting in the shower i had another strong one, uh-oh i thought that was a good one too, and there is no way those were even 5 minutes apart. then before i could finish my thought, another one! they were so close together and lasted so long that i was unable to even stand up, there i was sitting in the shower, in full blown labor. i started banging my fist against the shower wall to wake up paytons daddy and tell him, this is it! baby time! finally he heard me, came in to help me get up and get dressed, called everyone and let them know, this was definitely it!

We then left off to the hospital, paytons daddy decided that it was safest to do the speed limit, i had to remind hi that it was 4 am and there was noone on the hightway and unless he wanted to deliver our son himself that he better step on it! i screamed the entire way there and it felt like it took an hour to get there, but finally we arrived. when we got up to a room they checked me and told me that i was dialated to 3, and definitely in labor. the nurse ran to grab an iv kit and get me hooked up, i asked to go potty again before the iv so she had to check me again. when i was in the bathroom i heard her tell paytons daddy that i was already at a 5, i had jumped from 3 to 5 in less than 10 minutes! this baby was comming!!!

things went good and moved alot great for the rest of the day, the waiting room filled quickly with what seemed like 100 people waiting to meet the beautiful child we had anxiously awaited. i finally got to 9 and kinda stalled out. They broke my water at around 10:00 am and gave me a little pitocin to get me to that final 10, that was when the trouble started.

paytons heart rate dropped down a bit, this had happened before during dr's appt check ups and other hospital visits for false alarms, they turned me on my side, threw me on oxygen and watched closely. Another deceleration, flip me to my other side, more oxygen. nothing was working. they put an internal monitor on payton to see if maybe he was just hiding from the monitor and to get a better heart rate reading. another deceleration, and another one. i was getting a little nervous. the nurse checked me again and i was 10, i asked her, if payton wasnt handling the contractions would he handle pushing? she replied i dont know lets try. she told me to push, so i did, another deceleration.

everything combined with the fact that bug had passed mech (his first poop) in the womb, i knew it was not looking good. the nurse ran into the hall and we heard her yell c-section. i started crying because i knew. she came back in, kicked everyone out of the room handed his daddy scrubs and started prepping me. i was crying and terrified. she kept saying its ok we just gotta get him out. i told my dr, i trust you im just really scared.

next thing i knew i was laying on an operating table looking up and waiting to hear the cry that i had waited my entire life to hear. finally at 11:52 i heard a squeak, the dr told me to look up and meet my baby. there he was, big eyes, a head of hair, and covered in goo. he was perfect. 8lb. 5oz, 20 in long, boy was he a big one! i was so glad he was finally here, he was perfectly fine, heart rate was good, breathing good, no mech was inhaled, thank god he was truly amazing.

it was the best day of my life. i spent the rest of my day just enjoying my son, the visitors came and went it was like a never ending cycle to meet him, and that night we finished off by watching the fireworks from our window. we just sat there with him singing him happy birthday and telling him the fireworks were all for him. it was the most amazing day of my life.

one year later where am i? i am sitting here, crying, singing happy birthday to a stone, watching 50 red white and blue balloons go up to heaven. i miss my son, i miss watching him blow out the candle, i miss watching him grow and i miss everything i should have done this past year. i love you sweet bug, happy birthday, and remember those fireworks, those are still for you.