There are so many people who have helped us get throughout this tough experience, so many people I am grateful for. Friends, family, and even complete strangers have been offering to help in any way possible, praying for us, hugging us, and I am forever grateful for all the generosity. I have been saying thank you in so many ways, cards, letters, verbal thank-yous, so many ways that i have tried to put my gratitude into words or action. Today i said a very special thank-you, a thank-you to the firefighters who responded to my son's call. Someone asked me why it meant so much to me to thank them, to show them my gratitude. Though they were not able to revive my sweet son, they did everything that they could, They went above and beyond to try their hardest to bring him back, and it was not their fault that he is gone. I know that they have a difficult job, I know that it cant be easy working so hard on an infant none the less, when I'm sure they have children of their own. It means the world to me that they did everything they could to help him, they got to my house so fast and they did what they had to do, got in and out to try and save him. I cant thank them enough, I went there earlier today to drop off some cup-cakes and a card saying that they are in my prayers. I also gave them a prayer card from his funeral so they could look at it and remember that they had a very special angel watching over them every second and on every call. Unfortunately when I stopped by they were out on a call, the fire chief was there and i gave him everything, and asked him to relay he message of my thanks, Later tonight I ran out really quick and drove by the fire house and decided to stop again. They probably thought I was crazy stopping by at 9 at night but in my heart I just had to say thank you in person. I stopped by and they were there, I was able to relay my gratitude to them and shake the hands of the men who did everything that they could for my bug that day.
Tomorrow is one month since my bug left my side, It is so hard to believe that is has only been a month since I held him, kissed his sweet face, and looked into those amazing big eyes. I never thought it was possible to miss something so much, but then again i never thought i could love something that much either. One of my friends had a post on her Facebook today a quote and it brought tears to my eyes to read it. "They say you don't know what you got until it's gone, but what they really mean is you know what you have all along, you just never think you'll lose it" It's so true, I knew what I had, I knew how special my son was, he meant the world to me, he still does. I just never in a million years dreamed that I would have to go a day without him. I had so many plans for him, sports he would play, music he would like, hobbies that would fill his time, even the schools he would attend and who he would marry. Now I have nothing, but at the same time I have hope. Hope for my future children, that they grow and accomplish the same things that I had hoped my bug would accomplish. Hope that they will do these things in his honor, and remember him as they go through life. Hopes that they be the best people they can be for their brother. Also hope for myself, hope that I can be a good person, hopes that I can better my life to make him proud of me. Hopes that I can do whatever I can to honor my son, let his memory live on, and spread the word of his short yet wonderful life. It's all I can do. It's only been a month, 4 short weeks, yet it feels like 4 endless centuries. I miss you bug.
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